how do I reject someone without being an evil being? I do not want to be an evil being, I do not want someone to feel alone, I do not want someone to feel like they are trapped in a deep dark hole when I know that I can lift them up a little to see the sun. however, lifting some people up drags me down. I do not like the way they (she) treats me, like a dog one way or another. Don’t get me wrong I love dogs but why must I receive pats and rubs on my head every now and then?

Why must I be hugged when I do not feel comfortable?

Why must I listen to someone speak ill of everyone else, even the ones closest to me and give my opinions on her view?

Is listening not enough?

Is listening to hurtful words targeted at others but only targeted at me not enough?

It gets worse when i know that others know that I am not standing up for them.

I am merely a bobble shoulder dog whenever I need to approve of her views.

I gave up the closeness of being with my friends to make you feel better, but sometimes I feel that you don’t appreciate that.

isn’t it instinct to tell me that “it’s ok, you can go with your friends” rather than “ok fine you can leave me alone and go get a room with your friends” with not a hint but a sky full of sarcasm over your head.

But why do I feel anger in my chest when my friends talk about her in a way she talks about them as well?

maybe it’s because they remind me of her. The way I get angry at her when she criticizes others is the way I got angry at my friends.

I love my friends but since I’ve sailed away In a ship with her, I may never see my friends again.

why is it that I have to let my nature determine my happiness? why can’t I do what I really want to do?

  1. Completely ignore her presence
  2. Tell her that she’s rude when she talks about others like this
  3. Tell her I do not like the way she treats me
  4. Tell her that she’s the reason I’ve been missing out time with my friends
  5. Tell her that with her attitude, she deserves to be in that deep dark hole.

That is me, but that’s just not me, that is not what I will do. It’s from me but not for me.

to be seen as a devil after I speak of those words would be the worst consequence. I do not want to be seen as a devil in the eyes of anyone.

maybe I would be able to do it someday. rejection; to act is surreal ; but sounds like a great idea to me.

 

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