today is 7th of January 2016 and yes it’s a new year. new year and newer things start to happen in my life.
Did you ever thought what it would be like to coincidentally meet your Best Friend in a shopping mall or else where in the future with someone new? Someone that has replaced you?
I fear that I’ve experienced it too soon, I experienced it just yesterday and it was horrible. Her familiar hands grabbed my shoulders to stop me but everything else felt unfamiliar and sad and just a negative new. Her smile her voice and her laughter is so familiar but it’s now more available for someone else. It used to be the most available to me. That lump in my throat when I saw her, I hope it wasn’t because I’m jealous or sad or angry but I know I am all of that.
I know I shouldn’t feel so sad about this because eventually she will move on to someone new, she will have to laugh and share new memories with Someone new. but how can I not be sad when we talked the day before and the point is that we talked but she never asked me out. The thought of her realising she was free tomorrow and asking someone else but not me to be with her just gives me the most excruciating pain somewhere in the left side of my chest.
I feel angry not at the new person but me because I’m probably not good enough, not fun enough, not funny enough, not compatible enough to be with her anymore.
I think that is life. Everybody has to move on even if they don’t want to. Everybody has to forget and take every once in a while. forget the past and take on the future.