It’s 3.23am on 11th August and I feel the need to talk about him.
I just finished my homework and there is that unfamiliar and empty feeling again, I look to my left to see the familiar arm chair, it’s empty but that’s ok because it could be that ahgong is sleeping.
I looked at the table near the couch, there was something familiar, ah gong’s medicinal oil, he always rubbed it on his tummy to soothe his constant stomachaches, I felt safe, I thought he was there.
I looked to the table beside the television, now the unfamiliarity came, where is ahgong’s cigarette and pumpkin ashtray? now I start to wonder where he is. His scratching stick is there, his Samsung pad is there with his newspapers downloaded, but where is he?
The white table, why is it not filled with color pencils in random metal cans, why is his coloring books not there together with his pieces of paper I printed for him to refer to.
The air, why does it no longer smell of cigarette smoke? is he not here?
I look to the shelves and he is there, but he’s only in a picture, framed and away.
I look at his fishes, do they know where he is?
I look to the left of the fishes, his altar, this is the point where I know he’s not here with us anymore. Food left for him, it’s eaten by flies, not him. Familiar joss sticks but it’s not left by him, it’s now for him.
I turn, I off the lights, I turn back only to see his face again. I walk across their room, he’s not in there like he used to be.
I lie on my bed, will he come through the door? Will he come through the door to smile at me like he always did? Ahgong can you come through the door and smile at me like you always did?