it’s night, that’s why this post is titled night. but it’s also titled night because I feel that at night is when I feel that my heart beats the slowest, making me feel like I’m the least stressed. But it is also when I feel the greatest loneliness.

I do feel that very little, and I really mean like really little people can make me truly happy and not alone. I really don’t want to complain because I have no right to, but I just want to say it all out. —–that I feel like no one really understands me, not even my best friends, not even my sister, not even anyone else in my family.

I mean if all these people I have close to me cannot truly understand me, who else can?

I find my thoughts always wandering, actually rather my imagination, wandering to picture someone knowing me completely, accepting me for who I am and whom I find they are completely effortless to talk to.

I miss having that slow beating of my heart, not caring so much about what I say, or do, being myself, and just feeling complete happiness spending time with someone.

I cannot be myself around anyone, and I’m never completely free from my nervousness of thinking that I’m not as fun or easy to spend time with as compared to everyone else.

and hi I didn’t know wordpress saved my thoughts that I thought had died from my last dead battery. I should just post this for fun then write another one.