hi mei mei,
I know you’re angry at me for being angry at you for liking all the things I like and I’m sorry and I also didn’t really know like the real reason for being mad.
So I had to think for awhile, beyond the selfishness, I think I know why I just subconsciously get angry, actually just more of sad that you like what I like.
Ok so I just realised that all these things I like, be it orca or Lego and all the other stupid stuff. It’s like what I am, it’s the only thing I feel like I am. It’s what makes me me. And I want people to see who I really am, but I’m like locked up in my own world Everyday because I’m afraid to step out of my own space.
But you, you’re so outgoing, so out of your space, and you’re so out there in the world. So when you like the stuff I like, and people know and then they think you’re cool and everything and like they think it’s cool that that’s what you are, that’s how you are.
And then I’m just here, stuck in my own space.
Then I get sad, because I think of how people are thinking of what I like is cool and stuff like that, but it’s not me that is out there, it’s you.
So this sadness turns into anger, and you kind of know I can’t control it, it’s like you cannot stop getting mad at me for doing something like taking your things.
I’m just saying that I don’t wish to get angry because it looks like I’m selfish and evil and I just hope you understand if I do, or if I did.
I know, in my heart, and mostly in my mind that I can let you continue liking the things I like without saying anything out anymore about how I feel. And you can help me, by like genuinely liking the things you like.
Then it’s like although I’m sad that you can show it to the world and I can’t, I know that you at least truly understand it before you show something that is so important to me. It can help with my anger issues hahahaha so it’s less damaging to me and I feel less evil.
I said so much, but the main point is that I’m sorry for how I feel, I should just feel happy that my Sister is helping me show the world who and what I am without me having to step out of my space.
Btw, this whole thing is so dramatic, but I needed to get it out of my head and everything in my head is dramatic.