code for I went to the zoo with Caitlin on 11 March 2017. in case I titled this zoo and she knows it’s about the trip. And I know she won’t read it but I don’t want her to even know that I had written out stuff about the trip itself, or had several thoughts about it because then I would be mega suspicious.

So first things first, we’re suppose to go on this trip together together after the sports carnival, like me, cart, hue and sa but sa backed out, to eat with chu ling and the gang (which was quite sad) but I think she also just wanted to go home after that to rest or study. So with sa out, hue automatically had second thoughts, so we didn’t want to pressurize her into anything, she made her own decision, and decided not to join us for the zoo zoo 😦 but its ok we understand, she probably wanted to make sure she’s prepared for the block tests, plus she looked quite tired. but hue so nice she joined us for lunch hahaha, so we went amk hub and went to fish & co. and me and hue had a wonderful creamy mushroom pasta that was at a fantastic student price that i loved, and cart had some  spice fishy thing with orangey rice and abnormally great consistency whipped potato (ya i do not know the exact dish but i made a very good description). i think i want to put a few photos of them eating here for memory sake (( we had a great great great time)) :

so after lunchie, hue left. i know i was sad but a horrible part of me actually felt happy, sigh, im such a bad person, cart looked so sad that hue and sa weren’t going and me, while mourning the same thing, an inner christy actually jumped for joy on my heart.

So we took a bus from amk hub, it was a long ride but a eye-opening one. Never had I gone to the zoo before with my friends or friend with a ride on the bus, heck, never had I ever gone to the zoo with a  friend that I was genuinely close to before, and yes I’m so specific because I did go to the zoo with grace. I don’t wanna say I didn’t have fun with grace because I did, but I can’t bring myself to say that I was very close to her, but it did let us get closer, and I’m grateful for that// its probably the work of the magic of animals that helped me get through that day actually feeling happy.

coming back to the bus, I was definitely excited to be able to go on this journey with cart. On the bus however, she was quite distant, like she mostly just used her phone and looked out the window and also slept, so what else can I do but do the same. ok I wouldn’t say she’s completely distant because we talked a little, but sometimes I feel, maybe she doesn’t really think I’m a fun person to hang out with. (btw I just realised I was just reemphasizing my fear of making people bored again) — and with this I also want to say that during the lunchie, me hue and cart were talking about fears and cart mentioned this fear of mine, and although I’m close to hue, and I don’t wanna be guarded with her, I felt a little sad when she told hue this fear of mine. I just laughed it off but I thought she understood that this thing i told her, is really like from deep within me, and i didn’t really want it to be known. But I’m not angry with her, she probably thought i was fine with hue knowing, which i wish i was fine with, but because i had this fear with hue too, i was scared of her knowing. Anyways, hue didn’t comment, and its probably forgotten, i hope its forgotten.

coming back to the bus, straight to the point-i felt like i was boring caitlin. I know she reassures me, but that fear, its still there you know, it just comes out less often than before, i want to let her know, but i don’t want her to feel sad that i still feel this way.

moving on, we were just looking out for the Singapore zoo bus stop, and she was super excited when we reached. btw there was this moment where she put on her cap and just leaned her cap against my forehead, i don’t know how many times i have to say this, but i just have to say this again, it just makes me feel weird and confused.

moving on, we stopped at the bus stop and bought tickets to the zoozoo at the price of 1 for 2 – yay bc we had the strait times vouchers caitlin “expertly” advised us to cut.

we went in and besides the toilet, the first place we went was to the small otter exhibit, and they were so cute omg, and they were just so close, and like staring at some machines that were making some sounds. we wanted to take a selfie, but they ran away hahahaha. i was kind of shocked that caitlin thought they were cute too (i think, now i can’t really remember), its either she thought they were cute or they looked weird HAHA.

b (cuties, btw these are really the SG ZOO otters)

then  we went to see the white tigers, and caitlin thought they were albino?? hahaha but they were pretty, and big and just very majestic. caitlin liked them, probably because they were far away and she kept taking selfies of her and the tigers, without even trying to let me in the photo, stupid. and ohya, we discussed about how the guy had 2 wives which we only noticed at the end.

Image result for singapore zoo white tiger (these are really the white tigers in the SG ZOO)

i don’t remember every single thing because its been a week but i’ll write down all the memorable stuff, that i don’t wanna forget.

At some point, there was this elephant tree house thing that had very steep ladder steps, and it looked so cool and obviously being me, i wanted to go up and i wanted her to go up too. I went up first, and there was nothing fun, just an adult and a baby elephant cardboard thingy with the face cut out for people to stand at the back to look like an elephant HAHA. So i saw that, and just told her to come up anyways, hahahaha bc i just wanted her to try something she was kind of afraid of and just be up there with me. As a result of continuous pushing which wasn’t very hard because she was then surprisingly easy to peer pressure, she climbed up, and although there was a lot of squealing involved, she made it and i was proud of her and myself, of course. Then she saw what was up there, the 2 cardboard elephants and she was kind of mAD, it was quite funny to watch, because she was angry i peer pressured her up only to find that there was almost absolutely nothing interesting hahaha. so to make sure she had a reward at least, i told her to go be the faces of the adult and baby elephants and i helped her take a few cute photos. An indian family came up with their child, and we kind of lost our chance to be alone up there, and i can’t believe i’m saying this, because it just reveals so much of what i was mostly thinking of on the whole trip and I’m ashamed. sigh, continuing, she went down, which took a lot of squealing again, more than she needed going up, and when she got down, all her energy was back and she was hitting me because i made her go up to the cardboard elephants HAHA.

Tapir, the cute black and white elephant, anteater, hippo looking like thing, i remember looking at with her, gonna find a cute tapir photo to put it right here:

Image result for tapir  (i just found out that they’re not always black and white HAHA this one looks uglier) (this is an ugly google image) (they look cute if i look longer)

k the cute one is here with its baby, so its the MALAYAN TAPIR that is black and white and cute.

Related image (cute google image, because the SG ZOO ones didn’t look as cute, and didn’t have a cute baby)

we were definitely both mesmerized by this fake zebra because it just looked too cute, too bad they didn’t have a baby one which is supposed to look like a watermelon. (as seen above, look at the cutie)

ok next, we went for the rainforest show at 2.30 and we set at the 2nd row of the left column which had no one, so that was exciting. btw i thought we were going to see otters, but they didn’t want to come out to do recycling :-(, so all we saw were weird monkeys (But cute) and lemurs and stuff. and caitlin wasn’t too excited because they were climbing on the ropes above us hahahaha. The show wasn’t too bad, but we were going to have a better one.

we went to see the penguins, which caitlin were quite excited about but i wasn’t, because sadly they weren’t really cute 😦 they were the jackass penguins, not the ugliest penguins, they were ok but just not very very very cute:

Related image

(i think they look better in a professionally taken photo)

Image result for singapore zoo map

(realised i need the map to help me recall my memories hahahaha, not because they weren’t memorable, its just me)

oh ok i remember the babirusa weren’t there, the wild pigs, and caitlin was quite glad HAHA because she just didn’t want to see the pigs.

we went to see the pygmy hippos, which were quite enormous, but i think they were suppose to be the dwarves of the real bigger hippos? but they were kind of cute.

Image result for singapore zoo pygmy hippo
Singapore zoo pygmy hippos


we saw the monkeys, the one with the ugly nose and the one with the red butt. then we went to look at the elephants, yay! did i mention that i love elephants.

oh and there were no more elephant rides in the zoo, which is good because Cheryl said it hurts their backs or something, its just not good for them. But apparently, they took it down because they were afraid people would get hurt, by the elephants, not the other way round. Should have known, people are more scared for themselves than for animals.

Image result for singapore zoo elephants

too bad we didn’t get to watch the elephant show. I think why i like elephants is because they look so emotionally intelligent, by that i mean they look like they can have and i think they do have many emotions. It just makes me feel the connection that we have with them, because we are similar in some ways. PLUS, i like how their default emotion is a smile, its cute.

before the elephant area, i was scaring her a lot, like i would just randomly point to the side and say omg hahaaha and she would get scared and either move to the other side or grab me. and so because i was doing this so much she was kind of annoyed, and i don’t remember how, i think it was because of the topic of traumatization, but i told her i was traumatized too, the day before the zoo day, because of her.

In case you forgot, you were scared for your life because during chemistry lesson, i was like always, sad about how i can’t really understand anything throughout the lesson. So then there was this primary, secondary, tertiary hydrogen thingy, and i was really confused about it, like i didn’t know how to tell if its primary secondary and bla bla bla. So i asked her, and she explained, and i kind of understood but i also didn’t really, but she asked me if i understood and i said yes anyway. So then she saw the look in my eye, because i very hesitantly nodded, she was quite sure that i was lying. So then she was really annoyed and threw the marker and the white board and said ” i hate it when you act like you understand” and i was just terrified, because she was so fierce, and secondly, she was right. so after that we didn’t really talk, i was just tearing up a little hahaha.

so at the elephant area, i was talking about the incident, and she couldn’t remember what incident was it that made me so scared. I was kind of shocked that she couldn’t remember when it happened so recently omg, sigh.  bUT I wasn’t really angry with her for it, i just acted like i was a little angry, but i was really just sad about it, and i just wanted her to know how terrified i was, hoping she’ll never do it again. hahaaha I’m making her sound like a bully, but i just like want her to see that I’m quite sensitive and i want her to care for me, and not scold me.

then she was quite amused by it and she apologised and i was satisfied hahahaha. so i took the chance, for me to have an advantage over her, i asked for us to sit at the splash zone for the splash show HAHA. and she kind of violently objected but i didn’t require a lot of effort for her to change her mind to let me have my way because she was kind of sorry for me hahaaha. so yay splash zone.

ok so like a little foreshadowing of what was about to happen, because I kept scaring her, every time I scared her she would either sink her nails (she doesn’t really have nails) into my skin or like hold my arm really tightly. I really can’t believe that she fell for it almost every single time though, she must be really scared of the things that could be in the trees and bushes.

We went to the splash show::::

and yay we did sit in the splash zone!! 😛

so the show started and we were all excited and there came the sealie!!!!!!!!!!! again, I love seals because they seem to show so much emotions but I knew they don’t really know they’re expressing these so called emotions we see, its more like a survival thing to them, do this, do that then get food. That’s kind of sad, that we make use of that to trap them in this cycle of performance and entertainment, its like a trade of their freedom for our entertainment and only we understand that its a trade, they just live with the life we give them. And is it really a trade? Do they get anything out of it? like longer lives in captivity that sort of thing, I don’t know.

anyways since we were there, might as well admire the beauty of the sealie. I wanna put seal photos here to relive the moment.

Image result for seals

ofc they were nothing like these here hahahaha , I’m sorry but they look horrible and scary and nothing like elephants, nice try elephant seals.

Image result for seals and sadly they were nothing like this too

Image result for sea lion vs seal

omg I just found out that they’re 2 completely different things haha.

ok heres a sea lion hahaha its cute

Image result for sea lion but they could be scary because they’re kind of like predators

Image result for sea lion scary

Related image ok mainly they just look like this hahahaha a black and slimy slab of meat.

ok so the fun part was when it did the splashy splash splash on us and we really got quite wet, I was quite surprised at how wet we got hahahaha I wasn’t really prepared for it, so you can guess how Caitlin was not very pleased HAHA. she was like frowning and just complaining about how wet she got. so the second round when it was coming of course being a great person I tried to shield her, especially her shoes, because that’s what she was most concerned about hahaha.

then came the part I was really quite angry at myself about, so then there was this zoo keeper/animal trainer guy letting people throw the Frisbees and throwing the Frisbees himself. And this guy had like very nicely put hair on his face and on his head, and he was really handsome, like charismatic and just really quite hot. and then Caitlin said he was cute, and that she liked his hair and stuff like that, then I just smiled like really reluctantly, and then after a while, I think she was still looking at him a lot and she said to me again that he was really hot, and I think later on that day, or like or on another day she expressed herself again about him “like I would fuck him”. sigh wait idk what I was feeling. I really thought he was good looking and had a lot of charisma too, but her saying all that, it ruined a lot of things for me. And seriously writing all of this down I feel really dramatic and disgusting, like that whole day that day and really like almost 2 weeks now and I’ve been thinking about it way too much. the rest of the zoo trip was just me thinking, she’s probably thinking about how that smug hot looking guy is still in close proximity and how she wants to fuck him, that sounds really bad but I can’t really control all the thoughts in my head. ok but I get it?? this is jealousy or something, and I’m just overly emotive in this aspect, but obviously I step back and I see how selfish I am to even have this thought, to want her to not have any feelings for anyone else, and if she had to have feelings, it should be for me. As you can tell I’m like kind of crazy, overbearing, over-jealous, and just crazy, please kill me. Seriously if she knows about this, she would probably run away, and please do, please run away. And this is what I want to tell you: hi Caitlin, jealousy described here kind of implies that I like you abnormally (probably not as a friend), I’m losing the right thoughts I should have when I’m with you, you should run. Start running now before you realise i’m kind of not the person you thought you knew/it might get sad/you might think I’m disgusting. so I rather you get away now before you see that side of me.

okie so we left the show and I asked her if she was happy that we sat in the splashie zone, and she said that it was kind of fun!!!!!! yay I made her do something she thought she didn’t like and make her liked it so I felt accomplishment sort of. so the rest of the journey, while I didn’t want to think about the hot man, I did, but I’m not gonna mention him ever again, just gonna talk about the other stuff.

we went to see the tortoises and we saw the whole process of the male trying to get on top of the female, and ended up putting his ding dong in the female’s face before finding the right place. I took a video for hue to look at hahahaha. we also say the lions mating, and that was hard-core, like full on anal sex, or maybe vaginal sex?? I’m not sure, can he get to the vagina from behind? too bad I didn’t film that.

we went to see the horsies, and believe it or not, this was the first time Caitlin saw a horse in real life omg. but thinking about it, it probably is quite possible since daddy brought us all the way to Thailand and the Singapore animal farm thing to see horses, the first time probably was the Singapore zoo as well.

Then this is was the confusing part again, actually I cant remember if this was before or after the hot man incident and I kind of really want to know. anyways so we went to see the kangaroos, and little did we know that it was almost like free range, like the only thing between us and them are the really low wood fences, and it wasn’t even a fence? just like a log of wood hahahaa. so then I was shocked about this but thrilled to be so close, like they were just laying there, and I get why, I mean you could tell I was getting to this, that Caitlin was horrified. Like she was grabbing me a lot, and I was trying to make her move and walk through the exhibit together with me. So then I realised every time she grabbed me her hands went lower and lower, so first it was my shoulder area, then my upper arm, then my lower arm, then my wrists, then in my head I was just like omg, I see where this is going. is she really sly but not really subtle or am I too sensitive or is she just like oblivious, and not conscious that she’s kind of working her way to something.

so then obviously my hand was grabbed, I was also, sly In a sense hahaha. so I cant really remember who held the other’s hand first, but I knew I was going for it, like she was holding me hand in a weird way and I think I was shifting it with the mind set of like “if you wanna hold my hand just hold it the right way” so then there I was holding her hand, but this wasn’t like the interlocking of the fingers thing. its just like the palm to palm one, I think it didn’t really seem like there was any underlying intention except for trying to pull her across the exhibits, yes that was one of my acts to pretend that holding her hand was nothing hahaha, and I gotta say I was quite subtle and smooth. I really couldn’t tell if she was conscious about it, in my heart, I sort of felt like she definitely did, and I really had a strong feeling that she was going for it, I was just playing along. oh I just remembered like there were a lot of variations of hand holding before it got to the final one hahahaha, there was like finger grabbing, and stuff like that so no wonder I just took her by the hand.

anyways because that happened, I was extremely confused but weirdly, and actually not weirdly, extremely happy that I felt that it could be wrong.

and was this after or before the splash show??? idk I feel like this is a very important question, because I wouldn’t care so much about the hot guy anymore if this happened after the splash show. oh by the way she ran out of the kangaroo place hahaha.

ok so then after this, I was still scaring her a lot, and she was on my left, and I was holding my phone in my left hand. and she grabbed my hand when I scared her once, or she was just scared about something herself, and she realised that I was holding my phone and I swear she was trying to hold my hand, I mean I have this strong feeling but I’m not sure hahahaha.then I was like shit, I just missed the chance, and she’s probably embarrassed because I saw the way she looked down at my hand. idk was it me doing wishful thinking, or was it really something we both knew was happening, arghhhhhhhhhhh, all this was and still is driving me crazy.

we ended the day with dinner at choa chu kang (v. far away from home) we went there on the bus and she was so tired she was falling asleep very obviously, like her head was way way way down and her neck was too bent it was scary. So I tried, I tried my best to get her head on my shoulder, but I couldn’t hahahha, she woke up and fell back asleep and did the same thing again. All I could do was just hold her when the bus was shaking too much which made her neck look as if it was about to break.

I’m ending here now because its too much too handle, all I know is that I had fun, I do not understand everything else, I had fun and that is all I know.