today is another shit day of socializing, I try my best to make myself better at this shit, but I still suck. While some people think I’m getting better, (e.g brintha), other people like Danish, alyssa and alex are still judging me, because they don’t see why brintha laughs with me. And I completely understand, again, because I see it. I see it through their eyes. I see me, frantically trying to socialize, and still appearing as awkward as ever, they don’t find me amusing, they’re judging brintha for finding me amusing, but they’re actually only judging me for being so freaking bad at this.
Surprisingly, its the people who don’t know me, who see how uncomfortable I am, and see how boring I am. Apparently, you don’t even have to talk to me to find out that I’m boring.
on days like this, and re-realising ahgong is gone, and re-realising how badly I want someone to know me completely, and re-realising how desperate for love I am, and re-realising how everything in my life is going so badly, studies included, I really feel like just shutting my eyes and shutting down.